Scarred
by Carleystan
Summary: I've read a lot of really good kidnapping/hostage situation fics recently, and they have inspired me to take kind of a new angle on the situation. My story is beginning with the rescue.
1. Chapter 1

**I've read a lot of really good kidnapping/hostage situation fics recently, and they have inspired me to take kind of a new angle on the situation. My story is beginning with the rescue. Let me know what you think, and if I should continue please. :)**

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><p>Adrenalin pumping hastily through his veins he ran into the last room of the cement basement. He immediately spotted her. He couldn't see her face, but he just knew it was her. On the cold hard ground her body laid lifeless, and he wanted more than anything to sprint over to her, but he couldn't, not until the room was cleared.<p>

"Clear." "Clear." He heard two other voices of his colleagues shout. He couldn't even differentiate voices in that moment though. "Clear!" He answered before hurrying to her side.

Crouching down he rolled her off of her side seeing her face for the first time in two weeks. His hand trembled as he reached to set it on her cheek. Her skin was the palest shade of white he'd ever seen. Except for under her eyes where she was a dark purple. Her cheeks looked hollow, like they were beginning to cave in from starvation. Her body was ice cold, yet she was sweating from a high fever. His heart was breaking in his chest looking at his partner. She'd obviously been through hell. The important thing was she that was breathing though. She was unconscious, but she was at least breathing. He inspected her body making sure it'd be safe to lift her up. Then slid one arm beneath her back, and one under her legs picking her up safely in his arms.

When the cold clammy flesh of her bare legs touched his arm he shivered. It was the first time he realized she had a shirt on but no pants. Anger boiled inside of him. If Voight didn't kill the bastards that did this, he'd do the job himself.

With her head rested against his chest he carried her listless form up the stairs. Her heavy eyelids cleft open sluggishly. "Halstead?" She attempted to speak but it really just came out as a groan. Her mouth was so dry lacking fluid for days now.

He heard her though. "Lindsay." He couldn't help but allow a small smile form. She was awake. "You're safe. I've got you. You're safe now."

She wasn't sure if she was hallucinating again. The last few days it was happening quiet often as a result of her fever. Slowly, painfully she lifted her limp arm towards his face. It took all of the strength she had left in her weak body to preform such a minuscule task. When her icy numb fingertips felt the stubble on his warm cheek she knew she wasn't imagining this. Jay was really there. She was safe now.

He breached the exit of the house with her in his arms, and headed for the ambulance. Voight and Olinksy were still inside with the three men that had held her captive. Jay knew the men would probably 'disappear,' but in this case he honestly didn't care. Not after what they had put Erin through. He got into the back of the ambo with her as it took off towards the hospital sirens blaring.

He held her cold bony hand in his as the paramedic began to hook her u to an IV of fluids. Holding her hand he notice the bruises on her forearms shaped like handprints. His stomach churned not wanting to know why, or how they got there.

She kept coming in and out of consciousness and seemed confused every time she woke.

"We're in the ambulance on the way to the hospital. You're safe now." He'd tell her every time. He wished he could tell her everything would be okay, but he didn't know that yet. Right now all he knew is that she was safe from the ass holes that did this to her. Everything else was still uncertain.

She opened her mouth as though she was going to try and speak.

"Shh don't talk, Erin. Save your energy."

She was too stubborn though. "Kel." She tried.

"I can't understand."

"Kelly." She tried again.

"Kelly?" His heart sunk. He understood why she would ask for Severide. He was her boyfriend after all, but while she was gone Jay promised himself he'd tell her how he felt if he ever got the chance. He'd realized he wanted to be with her, but if she wanted Severide he'd sacrifice his own happiness for hers. Erin deserved to be happy, and that's all he really wanted for her.

"You want me to call him to meet us at the hospital?"

She shook her head slightly back and forth. "No, please don't." She whispered as she sunk back into unconsciousness.

It wasn't that she didn't want to see Kelly. She did. She cared about Severide, but she didn't want him seeing her like this. The pitying looks were something she couldn't deal with right now. Severide saved lives, but he wasn't used to dealing with the physical and emotional damage the survivors faced after the fact. She just wanted Jay right now, and Voight, and her team. They understood. They dealt with these situations everyday. They wouldn't treat her like she was completely broken. At least she hoped they wouldn't.


	2. Chapter 2

**First things first, the next few chapters will talk about sexual violence and rape. I won't get vivid or anything, but if that's a subject that makes you uncomfortable then you probably shouldn't read. **

**Thanks for all the reviews on the first chapter! You guys are awesome. So, just to clear a few things up, I write Linstead. This is mostly because my brain can't even the fathom the idea of Erin ending up with anyone besides Jay. Kelly will definitely be involved in the beginning though. I think it's necessary for the story, and to build angst. Thanks again and please continue to leave reviews, and suggestions.**

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><p>Voight and the rest of the team joined Jay in the emergency room waiting area within the half hour.<p>

Jay sat with his head in his hands staring at the scuffmark on the toe of his boot. Without looking up he spoke to Voight. "What happened to the guys that did this?"

"They're at the station." Voight's gruff voice answered. "Attempted murder of a cop. They're going away for good."

"They deserve worse."

"I know, Halstead. If I had it my way they'd be at the bottom of lake Michigan. There's too much media surrounding this case though. If we did anything to break protocol they'd have our asses, and quick. She needs us more right now."

Jay nodded although he was surprised by Voight's level headedness. He'd expected Voight to kill the guys, but Hank knew in this situation that wasn't in Lindsay's best interest.

Awhile later the doctor came out and explained that she was dehydrated, malnourished, and hypothermic, but other than that she wasn't in too bad of shape. With rest and fluids she would recover fully. Voight wasn't convinced though.

"No broken bones? I know Erin. She would have fought back until she physically couldn't."

Jay didn't disagree with that. If he knew anything about his partner it was that she was a fighter. "She's got bruises all over. I saw them. She had to fight."

"I'm not arguing that." The doctor explained. "She's got cuts and bruising on her knuckles. She's got some bruising on her ribs too, but that will heal over time. She definitely fought, but she has no broken bones."

Jay's voice shook as he began to ask his next question. He couldn't even make eye contact with the doctor. "Did you… Um did you run a rape kit?"

Voight's jaw tightened and his fists clenched in response. That was a question he never wanted to hear in regards to Erin. That was his girl. She was essentially his daughter, and the thought of those creeps putting their hands on her infuriated him.

The doctor shook his head 'no.' "We can't without her permission. She needs to be conscious for that."

Jay ran a hand through his hair. He hoped Erin would be honest. He obviously didn't know what exactly occurred in that basement, but all signs pointed to the fact that she'd been raped.

"She's asleep but you all can go see her, only a few at a time though. She really needs rest."

Once everyone had seen her Jay was adamant on staying. Voight was weary about it at first. He wanted to stay himself, but knew he needed to get back to the station.

"If she wakes up someone should be here. I want to stay."

"Fine." Voight finally agreed. "I'll be back in the morning, and if I call you I expect updates. "

Jay nodded eagerly. "Yes sir."

The next morning he felt her fingers begin to wiggle around in his hand. Groggily he opened his eyes. He didn't fall asleep until close to four am because he was too busy being worried.

"Water." She whispered snapping him out of his hazy state.

He grabbed the tiny cup and moved the straw to her lips. After taking a sip she let out a noise of refreshment. It had been so long since she had actually drank water.

He gave her a small smile. He was just happy so see her awake.

"So how'd you con the hospital staff into letting you stay?" She asked attempting to lighten the mood.

"Fake tears."

She laughed a little before wincing, making Jay's face go stone with concern. "I'm fine." She waved it off. "Fake tears though? I hope it was Oscar worthy."

"You've seen me undercover. Would you expect anything else?"

"I guess not" she smiled.

He could tell she was tired, no exhausted. He'd felt her thrash around a bit multiple times throughout the night. She would groan too, as if she were in pain. The nightmares were already beginning to creep their way in. Judging by how tired she looked this morning, he knew they were bad. He wasn't sure he even wanted to know the details of what had happened to her. The idea of her being hurt made him feel sick.

He needed to ask this next question, but knowing that didn't make it any easier. "Erin" he began timidly.

"Yeah?" She matched his tone.

"I don't want to upset you at all, but I need to ask you something, and it can't wait."

She nodded with a mixture of curiosity and worry.

Jay sighed before asking. "Do we need to do a rape kit?"

She looked down dodging his eye contact. "Seriously, Halstead? What are you doing?"

He moved his head so he could re-meet her eye contact. "I am serious. When I found you… you didn't have any pants on, and there's handprints on your arms. Like someone held you down." His stomach churned hearing his own words. It didn't even feel like they were coming from his mouth. "You can only wait so long. If we need to get one done, it needs to be now, Erin."

"We? Why the hell do you keep saying 'we?' There's no we involved, Jay. It's me. It's my rape kit. Not ours. I'm the one that they held down in that fucking basement. Not 'we!' Just me." Her voice cracked and subtle tears streamed down her cheeks.

Jay wasn't a stranger to pain. Hell, he'd even been shot before, but this was different. His heart felt like a balloon that had swelled so large it could no longer fit properly in his chest. It left him with such an intense ach he was sure he'd never felt agony like this. This was nearly unbearable. Seeing her hurt was unbearable.

"Okay. You're right." He nodded. "But if this is something you need, you have to get it done now. Please?"

"You can't tell. Promise me you won't tell Kelly. He won't be able to handle it. After everything he went through with his sister this will destroy him. So promise me you won't tell, and I'll do it."

"Erin, I'd never say anything."

She nodded agreeing. "Fine. I'll do it then."


	3. Chapter 3

**Hey guys. I have a few things. First off we are officially one week from Chicago Fire and Eight days 'til CPD! I can't even begin to put my excitement into words. Second I'm on Tumblr now. I'm still trying to figure it out so I can communicate with you guys once the show starts. I think I already follow a lot of you because I've been silently lurking on the Linstead tag for a few months now. I look forward to being able to talk to other fans about the show on there. Lastly concerning this story I'll say NEXT CHAPTER. Next chapter is going to be so important. It will include flashbacks, and really explain what happened to Erin. I know you guys are anxious to find out. Sorry for rambling, Enjoy!**

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><p>Jay went to the hallway to tell a nurse that Erin was ready to get the rape kit done. She informed him that a doctor would be within the hour. Within the hour? This infuriated Jay. It was no wonder most rapes go unreported. It was difficult enough for a victim to work up the courage to decide to get the tests done, and then once they decided they are forced to wait. An hour left plenty of room for Erin to back out. Anything could happen to scare her out of it in in sixty minutes. Jay was bound and determined to make sure that didn't happen though.<p>

He went back into her room convinced that they would just make small talk and keep the conversation light until the doctor showed up. But as fate would have it, Kelly Severide came rushing into the room minutes later.

"Erin!" He ran over to her grabbing her face into his hands and kissed her. Usually she enjoyed kissing Kelly, but that time it felt different. She felt filthy. It wasn't his fault. It was just any sort of intimate contact made her uncomfortable now.

"Are you alright?" Kelly looked her over. "God I was so worried about you. Gabby just told me and I rushed over here to see you. I missed you so much." He was speaking so fast that Erin felt overwhelmed. She couldn't respond to anything he was saying or asking. She didn't have time to before he'd talk again. She understood though. He was relieved that she was alright. She expected this to be his reaction, and that's why she'd asked Jay not to call him yesterday. It was too much to deal with right now.

With wide eyes Erin looked past Kelly and met Halstead's gaze. Jay knew immediately that his partner was asking for help. He hopped out of his chair.

"Hey, Severide can we talk real quick?" He spoke calmly and softly.

"Um I don't know…" Severide looked down and Erin for confirmation and she nodded.

"Go ahead." She reassured her. He knelt down and kissed her forehead before following Jay into the hall.

"Lets go get a coffee. I think she needs a minute. This is a lot to take in for her."

Severide nodded and followed.

"Can I give you some advice Severide?" He didn't wait for a response because he honestly didn't care. He was going to give it whether Kelly wanted it or not. "As someone that deals with victims on a regular basis, it's best if you are as calm as possible towards her. Coming in flustered and panicky is only going to freak her out."

"Are you trying to say I just freak her out?" Severide began to get a little bit defensive, but was still calm. He wasn't easily angered, unlike Jay who had a temper.

"I'm saying that everything you just did in there was too much. You've got to relax. So yeah, you just scared her."

"Relax? She was missing for two weeks. I don't know that I like you telling me how to talk to my own girlfriend."

That was the wrong thing to say to Jay. He didn't need any reminder that Kelly was Erin's boyfriend, and he wasn't. He was exhausted, couldn't think straight, and was now seeing red. "She doesn't need you coming in there acting like an idiot when she's waiting for a doctor to come do a rape kit!" The seconds the words escaped he regretted them. He'd promised Erin he wouldn't say anything and he'd already broke that promise in under an hour.

"A what?" Kelly ran a hand over his face, before getting angry. "Why didn't you find her sooner? You're her team. You're supposed to protect her and have her back."

"They took her from her own apartment at night! Where the hell were you? You're supposed to be her boyfriend! Shouldn't you have been there to protect her?"

"Hey! Break it up!" Antonio walked into the hospital just as the argument got heated. "What are you doing? Do you two really think arguing right now is going to do anything but upset her? Severide I think you should go, and Halstead you too. You need some sleep."

"I need to tell her bye then." Kelly stated. He was technically still on shift anyways.

When Severide started down the hallway towards Erin's room Jay looked over to Antonio. "I'm not leaving her."

Antonio shook his head obviously disagreeing but knew there was no use trying to argue with Jay on this. The detectives gave Kelly a minute to say goodbye. When he exited they walked in.

Erin looked up with a vicious look in her eyes. "You promised me, Jay." She spat. She wasn't yelling but Jay could hear the coldness in her voice.

"I'm so sorry, Erin. I..I didn't mean to. I know it doesn't excuse it, but I really didn't tell him on purpose."

She was shaking her head with tears running down her cheeks. "I didn't want him to know! You didn't even make it an hour before telling him. He took it exactly how I thought he would! After what happened to his sister I don't know if he can handle this. I don't want to see you right now, Halstead. Just leave!"

"Erin, I…'

She cut him off. "I don't care. Just go." She said sniffling.

After Jay left Antonio sat down at her bedside. "I really don't think he would ever purposely betray your trust."

"I know." She sighed. "It doesn't matter though. He promised me. I didn't want Kelly to know and that's the only way I agree to do the rape kit."

"Erin, don't get the tests done for Jay, or Kelly, or Voight, or anyone. Get them for you. You need to know. You have to make sure you didn't contract anything. I get that it's scary, but this is something that you have to do."

She nodded. "I know." She choked out. "It's just. I'm scared, Antonio. What if something's wrong?"

"I doubt there is, but if there is something wrong you deserve to know."

Erin whipped the tears away with the base of her hand. "You're right, and I know Halstead. He didn't really leave. He's just in the waiting room. Can you go tell him to go home, sleep, shower, eat, and then get his ass back here in the morning because I need my partner right now."

Antonio smirked and nodded. "I'll go let him know."

"Also tell him he's a dick, and I want a big present to make it up to me." She tried to joke. Joking around made the pain subside, at least for a second.


	4. Chapter 4

_It was a Thursday night after a particularly slow day at the precinct. When the elevator doors opened to her floor, Erin fiddled with her keys heading towards her apartment. She was supposed to have dinner with Kelly, but he'd texted her and canceled a few minutes ago. He needed a rain check, and she understood completely. She had to cancel dates because of work all the time. _

_She entered her apartment walked the two steps to the little shelf she set her keys on, and then turned around to shut her front door. As she turned the lock on her wooden door she felt arms grab her forcefully form behind. She threw an elbow making contact with the assailant's stomach. A deep groan was let out allowing her to know it was a man. He didn't let go though, holding her through the pain._

_Her hand reached down towards her holster. Before she reached it she heard a recognizable click and then felt the cold hard metal of a Glock pressed against her temple. _

"_Grab it and I'll blow your brains out." The voice combined with the message sent shivers down her spine. Slowly she moved her hand away from her holster. The attacker disarmed her. _

_Next thing she knew a white cloth came towards her face. She squirmed and floundered around trying to escape his hold. The cloth covered her nose and mouth. She held her breath and fought as long as she could before inhaling the chemical. After that everything went black. _

Her body was flopping, and limbs were flailing around in bed. Her heart monitor was going nuts. Voight ran over to her and the nurses followed.

Erin's blood curdling screams filled not only her room, but also the entire hall of the hospital. Hank reached out and grabbed her shoulder pinning her to the bed.

"Erin! Erin hey! Wake up! It's just a dream!"

Her eyes shot open. She sat up out of breath panting desperately for air.

"You're okay, kid. It was just a nightmare. You're safe at the hospital."

She sat frozen for a moment before bursting into tears. Voight took a seat on the edge of her bed, and she buried her head into his shoulder hiccupping sobs.

He held her and let her cry into his shoulder. On the outside he looked like his usual mildly grumpy self. On the inside he was seething. It had been a long time since he'd seen Erin like this. It pissed him off beyond belief. He wanted to inflict extreme amounts of pain on the three men that had done this to her.

He gave the nurses a nod signifying that he had things under control now, and they left the room.

After about five minutes the sobs stopped. She pulled away form his chest taking deep breaths to calm down. She lounged back on the bed and Hank stood up. Dragging the chair across the tile hospital floor, he brought the seat right to the edge of her bed.

"It was just a nightmare." She whispered trying to ease Voight's worries. Voight couldn't help but smirk. Here they were in her hospital room. She'd just been abducted, starved, beaten, and god only knows what else, and she was trying to comfort him.

"Yeah I know. I've got good news though, kid."

He saw a little glint of hope in her eyes as she waited to hear his news.

"Doctors say you can probably leave in the morning."

"That is good news. This place sucks." She needed to get out of the hospital. It just made her feel more broken. She needed some normalcy.

"I uh… You always have a room at the house if you're not ready to go back to your apartment."

She hadn't even thought of that yet. There was no way she could go home, and stay all by herself. She nodded quickly. "Okay. I…I want to come stay with you. I don't want to go back there yet."

"Okay I'll make sure the rooms ready for you."

"Thank you, Hank."

"Don't worry about it, kid."

_She woke up in a cement room. Everything seemed groggy and hazy. Her head was pounding. It felt like a terrible hangover, except she hadn't been drinking. It was a result of whatever chemicals the man had used to knock her out. _

_She stood up weakly trying to stay balanced. After taking a few steps the room stopped spinning. Everything began to come into focus. Then she remembered being attacked. She hurried to the only door in the room and attempted to turn the handle. It was locked._

"_No. No. No. No." She whispered under her breath panicked. She shook the handle violently trying to get it to budge. Nothing happened. She brought her fist up and punched the door angrily. She looked around the rest of the room. There were no other exits. No windows. No doors. She was alone, and she was trapped._

"Hey, Erin you alright? Hey, wake up. Erin wake up." Jay shook her shoulder lightly.

He had gone home last night, showered, eaten, slept, and now he was back to apologize. When he got there Voight was just leaving and Erin was asleep. He figured he'd just sit and wait for her to wake up from her nap. He was in no rush. He'd taken the day off of work anyways. But after about twenty minutes of being there Erin began to groan in her sleep. It progressively got worse, and when she began to start kicking her legs around Jay knew it was time to wake her.

She looked around taking in her surroundings. Her heartbeat slowed when she realized she was in the hospital, and not locked up in that basement.

"I'm sorry. I was just dreaming."

Jay shook his head back and forth. "I'm the one that should be apologizing right now. I am so sorry about yesterday, Erin. There's nothing I can say to make it up to you, but I need you to know it wasn't on purpose, and I regret it. I never ever wanted to break your trust."

"I know." She assured him softly.

"I'm your partner and you trusted me, and I'm so disappointed in myself. I'm so sorry."

"I forgive you Jay…..As long as you brought my present."

"My presence is a gift in it's self." He winked.

"I said present not punishment."

He laughed and gestured towards the little table in the room. "I brought flowers and chocolates, but I figured we could get some hockey tickets or something once you're out of here."

She made a face as though she was considering his offer. "I mean I love hockey, but I don't know if I want to sit through a whole game with you." She smiled. "Just kidding. You're forgiven." Her voice got serious for a second. "Just don't betray my trust like that again Jay. Please." She was practically pleading.

"I won't. I swear. I never want to hurt you like that again, Erin. I was so afraid that you wouldn't forgive me, and I don't ever want to feel that way again."

She nodded. "Okay. You should probably head to work now though. Don't you have to go in?"

He sat back and grabbed the remote. "Nope. Personal day."

"Jay. Go to work."

"No way. I never use my personal days up anyways. I'd rather just hang out here with you."

"Fine but I get to pick the channel." She set out her hand waiting for the remote.

Turns out weekday mid morning television sucks. She couldn't find anything even remotely appealing. She eventually left it on a channel and they attempted to watch the boring program. After about twenty minutes she muted the tv.

"Jay?" It was nearly inaudible.

"Yeah?" He turned his head towards her.

She chewed on her lip avoiding eye contact. She wasn't sure if she wanted to ask, but she did anyways. "Are you disgusted by me now?"

Jay was taken aback. He could never feel that way about his partner. "Wha.. Why would you even ask that?" He turned his body so it was completely facing hers. "No. No way. I could never, Erin."

She looked up at him shrugging her shoulders. "It's just everyone keeps say the guys that did this to me, and what they did was disgusting, so doesn't that make me disgusting too?"

His face fell. There was that swollen balloon heart feeling again. It was agonizingly painful to hear her talk like this. "You are not what they did to you, Erin. I know Erin Lindsay. She is smart, and tough, and funny as hell, and strong, and beautiful, god is she beautiful on the inside and out. She is far from disgusting."

A few tears rolled down her cheeks. "I should have fought harder, Jay. I gave up."

He grabbed one of her hands and folded it into a fist. He ran his pointer finger gently over her knuckles. "You see this? You see these bruises and cuts? You are a fighter. This is proof that you fought, and you fought hard. You can't help if you were out numbered."

She shook her head trying to hold back more tears. "You weren't there, Jay."

"These are battle scars, Erin. I don't need to have been there to know that. These knuckles prove that you fought back and I'm proud of you for that."

"Two of them held my arms down, Jay. The other one, he crawled on top of me. I tried to fight them off. I swear to god I tried. I kicked, and I screamed, and I tried to get away, but there were three of them. They were too strong. Then he pulled my pants down and I begged him. I begged him not to do it. I cried, but it didn't work. It didn't matter what I said." She took a moment to catch her breath. Jay held her hand. Hearing this was killing him inside. He knew she needed to tell someone though, so he listened intently. He felt like maybe he should say something, but there were no words that could help, and his throat was so tight he didn't think anything would come out even if he tried.

"After he was done they switched places. The other two took a turn. I stopped fighting though. I didn't see the point. They'd already won. I just closed my eyes tightly, and tried not to cry. I gave up, Jay. I gave in and, I should have kept fighting."

"Erin, you were outnumbered. There was nothing more you could have done. You did fight. The fact that you're here right now alive proves that you didn't give up, and I am so incredibly proud of you for that. They didn't win, Erin. You're gonna have a life after this, and they are going to rot in a prison cell. You won."

"It doesn't feel like I won right now."

"I know, but trust me you did."

She gave his hand a light squeeze, and stared at each other for a moment. Just looking in his eyes relaxed her. The ocean blue orbs made her feel like nothing could ever hurt her ever again. Jay made her feel secure. Then they both went back to watching the crappy television program as if nothing had just happened.

Not long after they both heard someone clearing their throat in the doorway. Erin looked up and Jay turned around. At the door was Kelly. Jay looked back at Erin and she gave him a subtle nod telling him she wanted to talk to Severide.

"Okay I'll give you guys some time. I should head over to the station anyways." He said it loud enough for Severide to hear. He bent forward to stand from his chair. As he did he reached forward and tucked a strand of Erin's hair behind her ear.

"Beautiful, never disgusting." He whispered to her before leaving.


	5. Chapter 5

**Here's chapter five. It's not my favorite. It's really just a bridge between last chapter and the next. Sorry it's not very interesting, but it'll get better after this chapter I promise!**

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><p>Two weeks had gone by since Erin was released from the hospital. She wanted to go back to work, but the district required she passed a psychiatric evaluation first, and she couldn't pass it. It was starting to frustrate her. She just wanted to be back at the station, but the psychiatrist wouldn't clear her.<p>

She was still living at Voight's. She'd only gone back to her own apartment once to pick up clothes and other necessities. She never really went anywhere on her own. Jay had come over and taken her to dinner once. Kelly had taken her to lunch a few times on his days off, and she'd gone to the grocery store with Hank once. Other then that she hadn't left the house. Everyone else was at work, and she was too afraid to leave on her own.

Jay came over to Voight's house almost every night after work. If fact he'd only not gone once, and that was because he knew Severide was already there. They'd usually just hang out in Voight's living room. The partners would watch whatever sports game was on, or a movie on Netflix, drink a beer, eat some take out food, and then Jay would go home for the night.

If Jay was being honest it was really uncomfortable to be at Voight's house. It was obvious that Voight didn't really want him being there. Jay and Erin were growing closer then ever and Hank didn't approve. Jay would ignore his bosses disapproving stares though because Erin wanted him there, and that's all that mattered.

Kelly was more upset about the partner's newfound relationship then Voight though. He didn't understand why they insisted on spending every evening together. He'd voiced his concerns to Erin once, but she shot them down immediately, so he didn't push the subject.

Erin just needed Jay. She had tried to need Kelly in the same way. She really had put forth effort and attempted to convince herself to call Kelly when she couldn't sleep, or when she was having an off moment, but he couldn't soothe her fears the way Jay could. Nobody could make her feel better like Halstead could.

It was extremely confusing for her. She still cared about Kelly. She didn't want to not be with him anymore, but she didn't necessarily feel the same way she did before the kidnapping. She felt like a completely different person. The girl that had been in a happy relationship with Kelly didn't exist anymore. That girl was gone. She was trying to fight the fact that she was different, but it wasn't working. When Kelly would touch her, even just to put his arm around her shoulder, she'd squirm. It made her feel uncomfortable almost dirty in a way. She didn't want it to, but it did. She felt bad because she knew he had obviously noticed, but it was a natural reflex she couldn't control.

It wasn't like that with Jay though. When he put his arm around her shoulder while they watched TV she felt safe. If she was upset and he hugged her she didn't feel filthy, she felt comforted.

It was a Sunday night. Jay had the day off of work so he'd shown up at Voight's around noon to hang out with Erin. Eight hours later they were still on the couch. Erin was reclined across the sofa with her head rested on Halstead's lap. He played with her hair as they watched the movie. They didn't think anything of it. It just felt natural.

Voight was out running a personal errand when they heard a knock on the front door. Erin lifted her head from Jays lap and paused the TV. The sudden noise had startled her.

"I'll go see who it is." Jay spoke.

Opening the door he saw the last person he would have liked to.

"Hey, Severide." He said it attempting to disguise the distaste in his voice. This was the first time they had seen one another since their argument at the hospital.

"Oh. I didn't expect you to still be here." Kelly had been texting Erin earlier and knew Jay was there, but that was hours ago. He was surprised he hadn't left yet.

Jay opened the door further. "Come on in were just in the middle of a Fast and the Furious marathon. We're on the third one."

"Huh never seen any of them." Kelly remarked passing by Jay with a pizza in his hands.

Jay rolled his eyes behind the firefighters back. Who the hell had never seen Fast and the Furious?

Kelly set down the pizza and took a seat next to Erin on the couch. He pulled her in and kissed her temple and Jay noticed her subtly cringe. It upset Jay that Erin obviously didn't want Severide touching her, but he bit his tongue. He knew Erin would be pissed if he said anything.

Jay took a seat on the other side of Erin and watched Kelly open the pizza box. He handed Erin a plate, and Jay was shocked when she took a bite. Kelly had brought a pizza with mushrooms on it, and Erin hated mushrooms. Jay knew that if was ever sharing a pizza with Erin to always get ham and pineapple. That was her favorite, and the only kind she actually liked besides classic peperoni.

"Want a piece, Halstead?" Severide asked.

"No. I don't like mushrooms." He looked directly at Erin when he said it.

"You're missing out then. This is the best pizza in town. Isn't it babe?" Severide smiled giving Erin's shoulder a slight squeeze when he asked.

"Yeah. It's good." Erin answered unconvincingly with a nod.

"So Halstead, since you've been here all day would you mind giving us some time? I think I've got it from here."

Jay looked over to Erin for confirmation. He didn't want to leave her alone with Kelly, but if that were what she wanted he'd go. She gave him a small smile and a nod reassuring him it was okay, even though she looked disappointed about it. Secretly she would have much rather continued watching the movie with Jay.

"Okay. I'll be back over tomorrow after work." And with that Jay regretfully left.


	6. Chapter 6

Severide left two hours later, once Voight got home. Erin went upstairs to go to bed in her old high school bedroom. Not long after she'd been in there Voight appeared at her door.

"Hey, kid. How you feeling."

"Okay." She nodded.

"Good. It's nice having someone else around here." He smirked.

"Hank?"

"Yeah?"

"They never told me why they chose me. I still don't know why? They broke into my apartment and waited for me. That doesn't seem random, so why me?"

Voight sighed. "They wanted to get back at me."

"For what?" She wasn't sure she even wanted to know.

"It was a few years ago. You were still patrolling. But I'm sure you could tell the guys are all brothers. They look alike. Anyways the older two both had sons. Their boys were only a few months apart, and when they were about nineteen they got caught selling bad dope. I put them behind bars. In prison the boys got involved in the wrong gangs, and they both ended by dead in a nasty prison fight. Their dads blame me for the death of their sons. They wanted revenge. They couldn't get to Justin since he's away in the army, so you were the next best thing. I am sorry, Erin. I wish I wasn't the reason you got caught up in this."

She stared down at the bed pulling on a loose string in the blanket. "It's not your fault. You were just doing your job when you put them in prison."

"I wish I could have protected you though."

She shrugged her shoulders. "You couldn't have known they were planning this. It's not your fault. I don't blame you, Hank."

He gave her a small smile. "Maybe. I'll see you in the morning, kid. Sleep tight."

"Goodnight." She called after him as he walked away.

It was weird staying there. She felt like a teenager again. She'd been on her own for so long now. She needed to be there though. There was no way she could stay on her own right now. Voight was one of the only people in the world she truly trusted unconditionally, and she knew he would do everything he could to protect her. Knowing that was the only thing that allowed her to sleep at night, well attempt to sleep anyways.

She reclined in bed and held her iPhone in her hand. Going to her text messages she pulled up Jay's name. She stared at the phone for a while. She wanted to text him, but he'd only left a few hours ago. It seemed clingy or creepy or something to text him. Besides she wasn't supposed to want to talk him when she couldn't sleep at night. That was supposed to be Kelly's job. She should want to talk to her boyfriend, but she didn't. She wanted to speak to Jay.

As if they had telepathy or something a text message appeared on her screen.

'Hey what are you doing?'

It was from him and she smiled really feeling like a teenager again. She felt the same way she did sitting in front of her computer on instant messenger back in the day.

'I can't sleep.' She answered honestly.

'Me either. Want me to come over?'

'Yes.'

She crept downstairs to let him in when he got there. She knew Voight wouldn't be happy about Halstead coming over at 1 am, but she didn't care. He made her feel better. He made her feel safe.

Sneaking back upstairs together Erin brushed her shoulder against Jays, and reached down lacing her fingers with his. She led him to her room and quietly shut the door behind them.

Jay took a seat at the foot of her bed, and Erin sat back against the headboard in the spot she usually slept.

"Is Voight going to come in here and beat my ass for being here?" He asked.

Erin laughed. "I'm a big girl, Jay. He doesn't get to decided who I can and can't have in my room."

"I still think he'll kick my ass."

Erin smiled laying back. "I'm tired now since you took so damn long to get here." She teased him.

"I can't help it. Chicago is a big city. I had to come all the way across town." He lounged back across the foot of the bed. "So, mushroom pizza, Erin?"

She rolled her eyes. "It's Kelly's favorite. I've told him I don't like it before, but he must have forgotten. It's not a big deal, Halstead."

She was right it wasn't a big deal. But Jay couldn't help but think that it was just another reason she shouldn't be with Severide. Not because they didn't like the same type of pizza, but because Jay always remembered all of the little details about Erin, and Severide obviously didn't. Jay knew what she ordered at all her favorite restaurants, what kind of beer she likes to drank, her favorite movies, her taste in music, the list could go on and on. They weren't things she'd told him either. He just noticed at some point and never forgot.

She looked down at him. "Jay, you can come lay up here. You don't have to sleep down there at the foot of my bed."

"I was just gonna take the floor."

"Are you serious? Get up here. Like I said, I'm a big girl you can sleep next to me."

"You sure?"

"Halstead." Her tone made it clear that he shouldn't argue.

He walked to the side of the bed and pulled back the blankets. She was lying on her side facing away from him, but peeked back over her shoulder to watch him.

"What are you doing?"

Jay jumped back away from the bed. "I was going to lay down. You just said…"

She smirked. "I meant in your jeans, Jay. You have boxers on under them don't you? I don't expect you to sleep in jeans."

He hesitated for a moment before removing the denim and crawling into bed next to her.

He wanted to wrap his arm around her, but wasn't sure if he should. Every few seconds he'd scooch closer to her testing the waters. When he'd made it so her back was pressed against him he went for it. Wrapping his arm around her waist he held her close.

She was glad he couldn't see the corny smile that appeared on her lips. Little did she know his grin mirrored hers. They were like two puzzle pieces fitting perfectly together. Jay silently noted that it felt as though his body was meant to wrap around hers. They fit perfectly.

She placed her hand overtop of his and weaved her fingers between his fingers.

"Thank you for being here." She whispered. Her words had a double meaning. She was thankful for him being physically there with her in that moment, but she was also thanking him for being there emotionally when she needed him the last few weeks.

"I wouldn't want to be anywhere else."

Not long after Erin fell asleep to the rhythmic beat of Jay's heart, and he fell asleep to the noise of her steady quiet breathing.


	7. Chapter 7

Erin didn't know that Voight had been getting up every night to check on her. He used to do the same thing when she was teenager. At first it was to make sure she hadn't snuck out, but then it just became a habit. So now with her back, he'd fallen back into the same pattern.

After waking up to use the bathroom at four a.m. Hank quietly pushed Erin's bedroom door open. He'd usually just peek in, make sure was alright and leave. This time he opened the door and saw two figures in her bed. He squinted and by the light of the moon seeping in through the blinds he spotted Jay Halstead.

Hank wasn't exactly happy about it. He didn't support them having any type of relationship besides a partnership, but Erin was fast asleep for the first time since she'd been there. Every other night he'd checked on her she was thrashing around in a nightmare. This night she looked peaceful. She even had a small grin on her lips. He didn't want to support this but if Halstead was helping her heal right now, he couldn't find it in himself to take that away.

Erin woke up from the first full nights sleep she'd had since being abducted. She felt completely refreshed for the first time she could even remember. In Jay's arms last night she felt safe. She felt secure, and no longer afraid.

A few minutes later she felt him begin to stir as he woke.

"Good morning." She whispered.

He smiled realizing where he was. "Morning. That was the best nights sleep I've had in ages." Erin wasn't the only one that hadn't slept in weeks. Since the moment he found out she was missing he hadn't been able to get a full eight hours in.

"Me too." She answered.

They stayed silent for a few minutes while waking up. Erin looked down at the hand belonging to the arm he had wrapped around her waist. She began to play with his fingers. Tracing all the lines of his hands with her own fingertips. His palms were calloused, and his knuckles were scarred. Looking at the deep marks in his knuckles she couldn't help but think about what he had told her that day in the hospital about being a fighter. Jay had his own battle scars. His fists were rough and proved that he was a fighter in the same way he had claimed she was. Each mark told a story about Jay Halstead, and she found it oddly beautiful.

After a few minutes Jay noticed the exposed skin of Erin's shoulder that was hanging out of her baggy sweater she'd worn to bed. She had only worn long sleeve baggy clothes since being released from the hospital. For the first time in her life her body embarrassed her. She wanted to conceal all her bruises and felt uncomfortable showing off any curves she possessed now. Jay noticed a fading splotch of purple bruising. It had almost disappeared now, but he couldn't stop staring at it. He wanted to graze in with his fingertips, but he also didn't want to take his hand away from Erin, who was still toying with his fingers.

"Erin?" He whispered.

"Yeah?" Her tone was just a weak as his.

"Does the bruise on your shoulder hurt." He knew he shouldn't have asked. They were having such a calm and relaxed moment and asking about her bruises was a perfect way to ruin it.

"What? No. You can cover it up if you want to."

He was half way through his next question before he even realized he was speaking again. "Would it freak you out if I kissed it?" Immediately after he said it he wished he could take it back. He was embarrassed, and thought he sounded incredibly creepy.

She was mute for a second. "I don't know. Try it." She whispered. She was curious now. She honestly didn't know if it would scare her. Before last night she was sure it would have freaked her out, but after lying in his arms all night it could be different.

He quickly, yet gently pressed his lips to the warm purple patch on her shoulder.

Erin gasped. It felt good. God, it felt good. Nothing about him kissing her skin made her feel dirty or disgusting like every other act of intimacy had lately.

"Try again." She whispered.

This time it was slower. He took his time kissing her skin slowly, softly, and sensually.

She took her hand and pulled all of her hair away from her neck and shoulder, before kinking her neck so he'd have better access. He understood what she was doing, and trailed his kisses from her shoulder up her to neck. She rolled onto her back, so he could graze around to her collarbone, and then up towards her jaw. She moved her hand to the side of his face and led him to her lips.

When their lips finally met she felt it in her stomach. It was that butterfly feeling that only came from kissing someone for the first time. When he pulled away she stretched her neck and re-grabbed his lips with hers. She wanted more. After pulling away the second time his forehead rested against hers. He opened his eyes murmuring. "I'm…I….I got carried away. I'm sorry."

She shook her head back and forth slightly, making their noses rub together because of the close proximity. "No. Don't be."

Jay rolled off of her and sat up on the edge of the bed. "I um. I should probably leave before Voight wakes up." He felt terrible and sick to his stomach, like he'd just taken advantage of her. She was weak and healing, and he felt like a pervert that just used that to his benefit. He had wanted to kiss her for forever now, and he'd be lying if he didn't admit that it felt amazing, but that didn't matter now. He was disgusted with himself.

"Oh. Uh. Yeah I guess so." She answered him regretfully. Sitting up she watched him slip his jeans back on, and then his tennis shoes. "I'll come see you later." He said awkwardly, and not convincingly at all before he disappeared.

She was hurt. She reached her hand to her face and gently felt her lips. Did he think the kiss was bad? Did he not get the same crazy fluttering feeling in his stomach? She didn't know what to think, but she was definitely upset. Having his lip's on hers was the first that that truly felt right in a long time.


	8. Chapter 8

Now she had no desire to get out of bed. She wanted to lie there and willow in self-pity. Her life was the definition of a mess and the more she tried to make it better the more it spiraled out of control.

She wanted to spend time with Jay because he's the only one that could make her feel safe anymore, but hanging out with Halstead was beginning to compromise her relationship with Kelly. She didn't want to lose Kelly, but she'd just kissed Jay, and she really, _really _enjoyed it. Unfortunately for her Jay didn't seem to feel the same way. So now there she slouched in her bed. Confused, hurt, lost, and still utterly broken.

She pulled the blankets over her head and sighed deeply until she realized that her bladder was screaming at her. Exasperated she padded her way to the bathroom.

While washing her hands she stared at herself in the mirror. The bruises had mostly healed. The color had returned to normal flesh tones under her eyes, and her face was starting to fill out now that she was eating again. Yet she didn't recognize the girl staring back at her. "No wonder Jay doesn't want me," she mumbled to herself. The external wounds may have healed, but you could see in her eyes that she was broken. She didn't blame Jay for not wanting to help put her back together. It didn't make his rejection sting any less though.

She made her way back to her room and buried her face into her pillow, pulling the blankets back over her head. She wanted to hide away from it all. Her body desperately wanted to cry, but she wouldn't allow it.

After a few minutes she heard a light knocking on the door. "I'm leaving for the station, Erin."

"Okay. See you later." Her voice croaked from trying to hold back sobs.

"Are you alright?" Voight asked concerned walking into the bedroom.

"I'm fine. Don't worry."

Hank took a seat on the edge of the bed beside her. "If you're fine why are you hiding your face?"

"Voight, please I'm good. Just tired."

He pulled the blanket off of her, but her face was still lying into the pillow. "Did Halstead do something? Did he say something to you?"

"What?" She barely let him finish his question.

"Erin, I know he stayed here last night. I'm a detective after all."

She didn't answer there was just silence.

"Erin you are making me think something is wrong by not showing me your face. You better tell me what's going on. You know I'll find out, and I swear to god I'll kill him if he did something." Voight spoke again standing from the edge of the bed. Did he really think Halstead would ever physically hurt Erin? No way. The kid didn't have that in him, but he needed to know what was wrong and this was the last way he could think to do it.

She sighed dramatically turning her head so he could see her face. "He didn't hurt me, Voight."

"Well did he say something?"

She shook her head no. "No he just…" She paused.

"What'd he do?" Hanks eyes narrowed and he looked pissed.

She shrugged her shoulders. "He kissed me." She said it barely audible. "And then he left."

Voight didn't ever hear the last part before he stormed out of Erin's room. He was going to the station and Jay Halstead had better hope he had calmed down by the time he got there.

Erin knew she should have called after Voight, and tried to stop him. She should have texted Jay to warn him, but she didn't have it in her. She pulled the blankets back over her head and clenched every muscle in her body trying to stop tears from flowing.

Voight entered the district like a raging bull. His eyes were narrowed and his nostrils flared with anger. Everyone watched him examine the room. They had no idea who or what he was searching for. He headed towards the break room just as Jay was heading out.

Suddenly everyone heard the loud clamor of Jay's coffee cup dropping and shattering into a million pieces on the tile floor. It was followed by the sound of Halstead's back slamming into the wall. Voight pinned him against the wall with his forearm pressing into Jay's throat.

"What the hell." Jay moaned.

"Don't play innocent you son of a bitch. She's a mess right now because of you." Voight pulled his arm away and connected his fist with Jay's Jaw.

"Hey!" They heard a third party voice chime in. Olinsky hurried over and pulled Voight away restraining him.

Jay stood still in a stare down with Hank. He wanted to massage his Jaw but was too proud to admit how much pain he was in.

"What in the hell is going on?" Alvin asked still holding Voight back.

"This asshole kissed Erin this morning, and now she's at home and won't even get out of bed." Olinksy let go of his restrictive hold, and Voight struck Jay again. Alvin thought he definitely deserved to be hit again after Voight told him what happened.

"She's that upset?" Jay asked with sadness eminent in his voice.

"It's been two weeks Halstead! Of course she's upset! You made a pass at her while she's trying to heal, and just wanted comfort from her partner!"

"I…I didn't mean to…I" He stuttered not knowing what exactly he wanted to say.

"Get out of my station." Voight snarled.

"I didn't mean to upset her. Tell her I'm sorry please."

"I'm not telling her anything. If I find out that you've even tried to contact her you'll have a lot more to worry about than a bruised face."

Jay looked down at the floor walking over to his desk. He grabbed his jacket and his things and left the station.


	9. Chapter 9

**Is angst really necessary? I don't know. Probably not, but it's fun to write anyways. Sorry guys! Enjoy the emotional roller coaster thats about to occur before you, ;) a****nd keep the reviews coming. I loveeee them. **

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><p>Jaw sat on his couch with a bag of frozen peas icing his jaw. He had turned his cell phone off and hid it away in his dresser drawer, so he wouldn't be tempted to call Erin. It was driving him nuts though. He just wanted to hear her voice, and make sure he hadn't hurt her too badly. That was never his intention. He never wanted to upset her, and the thought that he may have added to the pain she was already dealing with killed him. Sitting there deep in thought he was pulled from his trance by the gradual pounding on his door.<p>

Looking through the peephole he saw Antonio on the other side.

"I've been knocking for like five minutes man. You wouldn't answer your phone, but I could hear the TV in here."

"Sorry I was out of it I guess."

"How's the jaw doing?" He asked following Jay over to the couch.

"Well it's definitely been better. I don't think it's broken or anything though."

"Good. What the hell was that about today? You kissed Erin?"

"I'm an idiot." Jay shook his head. "I stayed with her at Voight's last night because she didn't want to sleep alone. I was gonna just sleep on the floor, but she insisted I sleep in the bed with her. So I did, and I held her all night. I held her in my arms and it..." He smiled recalling the memory. "I was perfect. Then this morning we woke up and everything was so calm and relaxed and comfortable. She was playing with my fingers and it felt real. I can't explain it. It just felt right, like I had to kiss her, so I did." He rubbed his hand over his face upset with himself for messing things up so royally. "I don't know what to do now. I never wanted to hurt her, but I don't know if I can keep pretending that I don't have feelings for her."

"Halstead, do you think this is really the right time to profess your love for Erin Lindsay? I mean she's only been home two weeks now. She was kidnapped, and starved, and raped, Jay."

Jay shuttered at Antonio's words. "You think I don't know that? I know it's not the right time, but I don't know what to do anymore. I'm in love with her, Antonio. I need to make sure she knows that, and understands I never meant to upset her by kissing her. I need to tell her that I'd never hurt her on purpose. I just need to see her Antonio, but she lives with Voight. Will you help me please?"

"Halstead, I don't know about this. How do you expect me to help you see her?"

"Take her to dinner tomorrow night. I'll meet you there. I'd go to Voight's but I don't want it to be crazy and hectic when I see her. I honestly don't care if Voight kicks my ass again. She's worth it, but she doesn't need that kind of drama, so will you please help me?"

"I can handle Voight finding out. I'm not worried about that. I'm worried about ambushing her with a meeting with you. If she's as upset as Voight says I don't know if this is a good plan. I don't want to be part of something that's going to cause Erin more pain then she's already dealing with."

"Antonio, I just need to talk to her. I'll beg if you want me to."

"Fine, but if I even sense she's uncomfortable she and I will leave. I'm not messing around, Halstead."

"That's fair. Thank you so much."

"I'll text you the details since I assume you wont be at work tomorrow?"

"Yeah I'm gonna use a sick day, and give Voight time to cool off. Thanks again man. You're the best."

"Alright see you tomorrow night."

The next night Antonio pulled up outside of a little Italian restaurant with Erin in his passenger seat.

"Italian? I was expecting like In and Out Burger or something. You know this isn't a date right?" Erin teased Antonio.

Dawson laughed. "I was craving pasta, Lindsay. This place is the best."

"Whatever you say, Antonio."

They had barely made it through the doors of the restaurant when Erin spotted Jay at a table. She froze in place before turning on her heals for the exit.

"Hey. Hey, Erin. Where are you going?" Antonio called after her as she paced down the sidewalk. The cool fall wind lashing at her face.

"What is this some kind of set up Antonio? Did Halstead put you up to this? If I wanted to see him I would call him!" She turned around yelling towards the older detective.

"Erin I didn't want to ambush you like this. He begged though. He just wants to talk to you. If you don't want to go in there I'll understand, but the poor guy is heart broken, Erin. He just wants to talk."

She crossed her arm over her chest considering it then sighed. "Fine I'll go in, but promise me we can go if I say I'm ready."

"Promise."

Jay stood up to greet them when they reached the table. Erin refused to even acknowledge him slumping down into a chair.

"How are you doing, Erin?" Jay asked attempting to make casual conversation.

"Fine. What the hell happened to your face?"

"Ask your dad."

"Not my dad." She muttered under her breath. It actuality Erin wanted nothing more then to burry her face into the crook of Jay's neck, have him hold her, and whisper against her hair that everything would be alright. She wanted him to apologize for leaving yesterday morning and tell her that he felt it too when they kissed, but instead of being vulnerable her walls were up. Her defensive mechanisms were on overdrive, and it would be nearly impossible for anyone to get through them tonight.

"Erin, I just wanted to…"

She cut him off. "Save the bullshit apologies. I don't want them."

"What about non-bullshit apologies? Will you accept those?"

"No. I don't need an apology, Jay. I get it. It's fine. I thought you could help mend a piece of me I lost when they took me. I'm not the same girl. I lost something and for the last two weeks you helped me feel like I could heal again, but after yesterday morning I realized I was wrong. You can't help me. Besides If I should be relying on anyone right now it should be my boyfriend. The way we've been acting the last few weeks hasn't been fair to Kelly. I'm gonna start spending more time with Kelly now. My boyfriend." She reiterated the 'boyfriend' part for good measure. She wasn't sure she sounded convincing at all. She tried, but it was difficult considering she didn't believe a single word that was exiting her own mouth.

Jay zoned out towards the middle of her rant. The second she mentioned Kelly, Jay was gone. "How to you respond when the girl you're in love with tells you she doesn't want you, but wants another man?" That was the only question plaguing Jay's mind.

He waited a moment thinking. Then after dragging his lip beneath his tongue, the way he always did, he took the napkin from his lap and set it on the table. He scooted his chair back and stood up. Running his hand against the back of his neck he couldn't even make eye contact with her. "I… I'm… This was a stupid idea. I shouldn't have come here. I'm sorry." Then he walked away swiftly almost bumping into a server on his way out.

Antonio had sat there silently the entire time watching the conflict occur before his eyes. He felt terrible for Jay. He knew Erin was acting like this to protect herself, and he understood why. But he also knew it was tearing Jay apart. The situation was terrible for both parties involved.

Erin took in a shaky breath. "Can we get out of here? I just want a burger."

Antonio slapped a twenty on the table. They hadn't ate anything yet, but they had picked at the bread on the table and Jay had a drink, so he felt bad not paying. "Yeah lets go." He grabbed her jacket off the back of her chair and assisted her in putting it on before leaving for In and Out Burger.


	10. Chapter 10

**I feel rather enlightened to the fact that In-and-out Burger is only a west coast/southwestern thing. (Whoops!) I was recently in AZ, so I must have just had it on my mind. I'm actually a Midwest girl though. I guess I just assumed the town I'm from was too small to have one. I'm from the good 'ol mitten state, and my town is know for gang violence not so much for hamburgers. Here we have a Rally's and a Steak and Shake though. Not that you care. lol**

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><p>Three weeks later Kelly took Erin out to dinner to celebrate her finally being cleared to return to work. They went to a little diner down the street from Voight's house. She'd been there a million times before and felt comfortable. It was no pressure and she actually enjoyed herself with her boyfriend for the first time since the kidnapping.<p>

He reached over and grabbed her hand as they walked up the sidewalk to Voight's front door. She didn't even squirm this time. She was making progress. It had been just over a month since she'd been home and she officially felt like she was making progress.

Upon arriving back to Voight's they went upstairs because Kelly had offered to assist Erin in packing her things. She was finally going back to her own apartment the next day after work. She didn't have much stuff to pack up, but having an extra set of hands made it go even faster.

The last few weeks had been a bit strange with Kelly. She still called him her boyfriend, and on occasion she'd let him hold her hand or something, but that was it. They were essentially just friends hanging out. It was working for Erin. She really didn't want anything more, although deep down she knew it wasn't fair to him. It wasn't fair of her to lead him on this way. To still call him her boyfriend, only to purposely lay her head on the pillow Jay had used the night he stayed over, just so she could inhale deeply and fill her airways with the sent that is distinctly Jay Halstead. She missed him. She'd never, not in a million years, admit to it but she did miss him beyond belief.

Her two bags were backed and Kelly carried them down the stairs out to her car. Erin stayed in her room finishing tidying up when Kelly reappeared upstairs.

"Hey I have shift in the morning wanna walk me out so you can lock up once I leave?" Voight wasn't currently home and Severide knew Erin felt safer when she knew all the doors were locked.

"Yeah lets go."

They were joking around about how Erin did pretty much none of her own packing, and she was actually having fun. The mood was light. Kelly walked in front of her and when he reached the bottom of the stairs Erin wasn't sure what came over her, but she jumped onto his back playfully.

"Hey!" Kelly laughed heading over to the couch and dropping her onto it. "You should really warn a guy before you go jumping onto his back. I could have dropped you."

"Are you calling me fat Kelly Severide?" Erin joked.

Kelly squirmed standing beside the couch looking over her. "No not at all!"

Erin laughed. "Relax I'm just kidding!" She swiped at his shoulder playfully.

Erin was lying on the couch on her back, and Kelly had taken a seat beside her resting her legs across his lap. When she swiped at him Kelly caught her hand. A few seconds later he brought that exact hand up to his lips and kissed her knuckles. She didn't squirm either. It surprisingly didn't scare her or make her uncomfortable.

She smiled up at him just now realizing he had leaned in closer to her. She locked eyes with him and the second she did she regretted it. She had just inadvertently given him permission to kiss her and that is exactly what he did.

He had barely planted his lips to hers when her hands shoved at his chest. Erin jumped up immediately. "What the hell, Kelly!" She yelled. Baking away from him swiftly.

Voight's living room and kitchen were connected. She moved so the kitchen island was between them.

"I'm.. I..I'm sorry." Kelly stuttered. "I thought you." He didn't finish his statement though because he was too stunned to think.

Her eyes were huge and glazy. She hugged her arms over her chest holding herself. Concealing herself. She didn't want to cry. She hadn't cried in a few weeks now. Just minutes ago she thought she was making progress.

"Erin, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset you. I just... I thought you wanted me to kiss you." He spoke softly.

"No." She cried shaking her head back and forth. Then the first alligator tear fell. After that she couldn't stop the free tears from streaming down her cheeks. Suddenly she couldn't breathe. Her chest tightened and she could not suck in air regardless of how hard she tried. Kelly panicked watching her gasp for air. He ran over towards her.

Erin gripped the counter top staring down at the marble. Tears blurred her vision.

"Erin, breathe. You have to breathe. Inhale. Exhale." He attempted to coach her through her panic attack placing a hand on her back.

"I can't!" She violently shook her shoulder shooing his hand away. He got the message and took a step back.

"How can I help you Erin? What do you need?"

She hiccupped sobs hyperventilating. She didn't know what she needed. Well that wasn't true. She knew, she just didn't want to admit it. Finally she gave in. "I need Jay! Call Jay!" She cried out.

Kelly ran over and grabbed her cell phone off the couch since he didn't have Halstead's number himself. Thankfully she didn't have a passcode lock on her phone. He quickly found his name in her contacts and called.

"Erin?" Jay sounded surprised.

"Halstead! This is Severide. We're at Voight's house. Come quick something is wrong and she's asking for you. She's having a panic attack I think. Hurry please."

"Tell her I'm coming!" Jay yelled in Kelly's ear rushing out of Molly's to his car not even bothering to explain to the rest of the unit where he was going.

He was glad he had decided to join the guys at Molly's. Had he gone home for the night after work he would have been across town from Erin. On a good day without any traffic it took at least twenty-five minutes to get from his apartment to Voight's. Molly's was located right in the middle of the two though. By breaking all of the traffic violations he made it to Voight's house in ten minutes.

He rushed through the front door. Erin and Kelly were still in the Kitchen. Kelly was keeping his distance from her. Whenever he got close to her she got more upset so he just stood back.

She was still crying but her breathing was a bit better. Jay ran over to her and without hesitation she turned and wrapped her arms around him in a hug. She buried her head into his neck and he could feel her wet saltwater tears.

"Shhh. You're okay. I got you, Erin." He held her tightly.

Kelly watched on sadly. He had known that his relationship with Erin had been deteriorating ever since she was found. He just wasn't ready to admit it to himself. Not until tonight anyways. His kiss had triggered a full on panic attack. It that wasn't enough to make him realize it was over, the fact that Jay Halstead was the person she requested to soothe her was.

"Hey, I got you. I'm not going anywhere. You are safe, Erin." Jay muttered against her hair.

Kelly smiled sadly and met Jay's gaze. "I'm just gonna go." He said solemnly. "Take care of her," and Jay knew he didn't just mean in that moment. He meant for good. Kelly was walking away. He knew the relationship was over.


	11. Chapter 11

**TONIGHT'S THE NIGHT! I could almost cry. I can't wait to see my Linstead babies back on my television, and I'm sure you all fell the same way. Also all of the spoilers I've been reading lately are making me realllllly hopeful and excited. Anyways I'll let you read the chapter now. Enjoy! :)**

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><p>A few minutes after Kelly had left, Jay was still holding her in the kitchen. The crying had stopped but she didn't want to move. She didn't want to let go of him for a single second.<p>

"Hey, Er." Jay spoke softly. "Wanna go sit on the couch?"

She nodded and pulled away from their hug. He took her hand and led her over to the cream-colored suede sofa. He sat on the end, and gently pulled her down onto his lap knowing she just wanted to snuggle up to him and feel safe. She rested her head against his chest. He held her the same way you'd hold a small child if trying to rock them to sleep.

The crying mixed with the lack of sleep she'd been getting left her worn out. Actually the lack of sleep was probably a huge contributor to her panic attack. Jay could tell she was over exhausted.

"How long has it been since you've slept, Erin?" He asked delicately.

"I don't know." She burrowed her head more into his neck breathing in his scent. "Three days." She finally muttered.

"Three days, Erin that's crazy. You have to sleep. You can't come into work if you're not sleeping."

"I know. I'm gonna sleep now, and then I'll be fine to work tomorrow. I can't sleep by myself." She said groggily not even bothering to open her eyes.

"I'm not going anywhere, so sleep."

"One last thing, Jay."

"Yeah?"

"Don't tell Voight about my panic attack. Please."

"Okay. Promise."

It didn't take long and she was completely out. Jay stared down at her head resting against his chest. Her mouth was slightly agape and he found it incredibly adorable.

When he headed to Molly's after work he definitely didn't imagine his night ending this way. He couldn't have been more happy to be there with her though. He was so blissful he had completely forgotten about Voight until he heard the front door unlock.

The second Hank walked in he recognized the back of Halstead's head. He couldn't see Erin because of the way she lying on Jay.

"What the hell are you doing in my house?" He gruffly asked walking into his living room.

"She's asleep." Jay nodded his head down towards Erin, making Voight notice her for the first time.

"That doesn't answer my damn question. I warned you to stay the hell away from her Halstead."

"She asked for me Voight. She needed me tonight and there's no way I'd tell her no if she needs me. I respect you sir, but I'm done with you telling me to stay away from her. I'm in love with her, Voight. I love her. I want to be with her, and I think Erin wants that too. And if she does we are going to be together whether you, or anyone else for that matter, likes it or not. If I've learned anything lately its that life is short and unexpected, and I don't want to have any regrets."

If looks could kill Jay Halstead would have been a dead man. Voight stared at him with a snarling lip. He didn't appreciate being disobeyed, but what could he really do in this situation? He could kick Jay's ass but the would only hurt Erin, and drive her away. He'd tried intimidating them, but it obviously didn't work. Halstead just flat out told him they were going to be together regardless of what he thought.

Finally Hank cleared his throat. "I swear to god if you hurt her, Halstead they will never find your body." Jay could tell that Hank was not kidding in the slightest.

"I won't, sir."

"And keep it out of my unit. Work is work."

Jay nodded agreeing.

Hank then turned and walked upstairs done with the conversation. He could learn to accept that the partners were involved, but he didn't need to see them snuggled up on the couch.

Jay grabbed the throw blanket hanging off the back of the couch with his free arm that Erin wasn't lying on top of. He covered her up to make sure she stayed warm and kicked his feet up onto the coffee table. He didn't dare move Erin considering she hadn't slept in days. If he couldn't move he figured he might as well get some sleep himself.

Erin woke up first the next morning. It took her a few seconds to orient herself and realize where she was. Jays head was tilt back. His mouth was agape and she smiled watching him sleep for a second.

She looked up at the clock on the wall and knew she should wake him up considering he'd need to go home and shower and change before work.

She placed her hand on the side of his face and rubbed the scruff of his jaw with her thumb.

"Halstead, Wake up." She said in a sing-song voice.

He didn't respond.

"Free donuts!" She said a bit louder and he was startled awake.

She chuckled. "God you are such a stereotypical cop."

Jay smiled down at her. "Well, good morning. How long you been awake."

"Just a couple minutes. You know you didn't have to stay here all night. You could have left me on the couch once I fell asleep."

"Yes I did have to stay. I was way to comfortable to leave. You make me sleep better too you know."

She grinned. "In that case you can come to my apartment after work tonight if you want."

"Seriously?"

"Yeah. It's my first night back there. I could use a friend."

Jay raised his eyebrows. "A friend?" He quizzed her playfully.

A grin tugged at her lips. "Why do you have another word in mind to describe us? Partners maybe?" She teased him.

"Yeah I guess partners works. I mean do partners usually snuggle up on the couch like this though? I'm having trouble imagining doing this with any of my past partners. Especially considering they were all men."

She laughed. "Hmm, I don't know. What about kissing? Do partners usually kiss?"

He tilted his head to the side looking at her in confusion. "Kissing? We don't kiss, Erin. " His voice got serious all of a sudden. "Except for that one time, and I never got to properly apologize for that. You were still healing and I shouldn't have taken it that far regardless of how right it felt. I shouldn't have taken advantage of the situation like that."

She sat up staring at him. "Is that why you left Jay? You thought you took advantage of me?"

He looked down ashamed. "Well, yeah." He shrugged his shoulders.

A giant smile came across her face. "Jay, look at me." He obliged and was utterly perplexed by the happy expression on her face.

"You didn't take advantage of me, Jay. I wanted you to kiss me. I wasn't upset at all that you kissed me. I was upset because you left so abruptly afterwards. I thought it meant it you didn't get that same feeling in your stomach that I did. I thought it meant that you didn't want me, and that kissing me was a mistake." She exhaled her voice gradually becoming more solemn. "I thought you realized that I'm damaged, and broken, and scarred, and you didn't want to deal with that."

He was feeling a smorgasburg of emotions all at once. He was over the moon excited that she had actually wanted him to kiss her that day. He was in complete disbelief at how long they had both been miserable because of this misunderstanding, and he felt sad and guilty that she ever thought that she wasn't worth loving.

He pushed a piece of hair behind her ear and rested his hand on her cheek. He smiled. It was now or never. "Erin Lindsay, I am in love with you. I loved kissing you. I just thought you weren't ready."

She shrugged her shoulders. "Well I was ready, and I'm still ready now." She grinned slightly.

Jay smiled quietly laughing and pulled her in closer and kissed her. It was light and delicate. Then they kissed again. The second kiss being much more passionate, as though they were trying to get out all the pent up feelings that they had never been able to express.

After pulling away they rested with their foreheads together and their noses still touched. Jay exhaled and smiled. "How's your stomach?"

"Butterflies. How about yours?"

"Backflips." He replied.


	12. Chapter 12

**Yesterdays season two premier was everything. I loved all of the little Linstead moments and looks. It was perfect and I CAN NOT even wait to see how Erin will react to Jay being in danger. The writers better not screw us over like they did when he was accused of murder. Like I expect her to be real concerned and protective over him or Imma be pissed. **

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><p>Jay left not long after to assure they both made it to work on time. They couldn't screw up Voight's one request of "keeping it out of work" on their first day of being together.<p>

The partners both pulled into the parking lot at the same time and began their journey up to intelligence.

"So how's it feel to be back?" They walked towards the entry of the station and Jay rested his hand on the small of her back knowing they wouldn't be able to have any physical contact all day once they entered those doors.

"I'm excited. It's been way too long, but hey we gotta talk when you come over after work." Erin said quickly before they had gotten inside.

"Voight already knows, Erin."

The female detective froze in her tracks. "What? how?"

"I may have told him last night that I was in love with you, and we were going to be together whether he liked it or not."

She rolled her eyes smiling. "I like how I didn't get even get a say in this, but we still need to talk. I've got other…" She paused searching for the correct word. "Concerns. I guess."

"Concerns about me? About us?" They continued their walk.

"Not about you per say. We'll talk tonight okay? I'm just glad to be back to work right now."

"Okay." He played it off as though it was fine, but all he could think about was what her "concerns" may be. He had no idea, and it drove him crazy all day long.

Erin was going crazy for an entirely different reason. That reason came in the form of deskwork. It was agonizing. She begged and pleaded with Voight to let her out of the bullpen, but he refused. He told her all in good time, and she absolutely hated being patient. It was not a virtue Erin Lindsay possessed in the slightest.

When the day was finally over they headed out of the station together. Jay wrapped his arm around her shoulders and pulled her close placing a light kiss on the side of her head.

"Jay." She scolded him.

"Hey, we clocked out now. We're off duty."

She laughed. "I'm not sure Voight will see it that way. I'll see you at my place in a minute though."

"I'm gonna pick up pizza first. I'm starving. Do you want mushroom or ham and pineapple?" He asked with a wink.

She rolled her eyes in response. "You're an idiot."

When Jay pulled up in front of her building a half hour later he noticed Erin was still sitting in her car. He walked over to her driver's side window and knocked on it. Erin jumped startled. She had been deep in thought.

"Are you alright?" Jay asked holding the pizza in one hand while Erin got out of her car.

"Yeah. I just… I just didn't want to go up by myself."

With his free hand Jay reached down and laced their fingers together. "We'll go together. I've got your back always."

She nodded and released a deep exhale before leading the way inside.

Standing outside of her door she fumbled with the keys. Her hands were shaking badly and she was having extreme difficulties just getting the key into the lock. Jay desperately wanted to grab the keys from her and help, but he knew she needed to do this herself. He reached out this hand and placed it on her shoulder. He gave it a light squeeze, and her arm steadied enough for her to unlock the door.

"Thank you." She muttered embarrassed.

"Don't mention it."

He followed her inside and headed for her kitchen. He sat the food down, and cautiously watched her from the corner of his eye. She stood in the entryway looking around, her arms hugged tightly over her own chest. She was obviously uneasy. Suddenly she began to shake her head back and forth.

"I…I can't. I can't stay here, Jay."

He hurried over to her and placed his hand on both her shoulders facing her. "You're safe now, Erin."

"No. I can't stay here. I don't want to stay here. I'm going back to Voight's."

"Okay." He nodded quickly. "Well do you want to go to my apartment tonight? We still need to have that talk you mentioned earlier, and we still have your favorite pizza to eat."

"Yeah. Please. I just need to get out of here."

"Alright lets go. Do you wanna ride with me or meet me there?"

"I can just meet you."

"Sorry I made you drive all the way over there only to leave five minutes later." Erin apologized sitting on Jay's couch with a plate of pizza on her lap.

"Don't worry about it." He grinned. "I'm just happy you're here now. Although your apartment is about 100 times nicer then mine."

She smiled. "Yeah you gotta paint this place. This color is god-awful. Other then that I like it though. It's small and homey."

"I just want to point out the fact that it was already painted this color when I moved in." He defended himself.

"Don't worry I'll help you paint."

"Yeah?"

"Mhm." She answered finishing off her slice of pizza.

"So what are these concerns you need to talk to me about, Erin. You've had me worried all day about this." He set their plates down onto the coffee table and turned his body to faces her. She pulled her legs in underneath of her and faced him too. She smiled he reached out and rested his hand on her leg stroking his thumb back and forth.

"I just want to make sure we're on the same page, Jay. So I need you to listen to what I'm going to say, and really think about before you answer okay?" She seemed unsure as she spoke.

He nodded confusedly. "Okay."

"I uh… I just need you to understand that this all I can give you right now." She looked down at her lap biting her lip.

His facial expression made it obvious that he didn't comprehend what she was trying to get across, but he promised not to talk until she finished so he stayed silent.

"I mean as far as…" She sighed trying to come up with the right words. "This is as intimate as I can be right now, and I don't know how long that's gonna last. It could be months, and I just want you to know upfront. I don't want you to wake up a week from now, or even two months from now, and realize you made a mistake because I can't give you everything you need. Does that make sense?"

He wasn't sure if he understood completely. "Is this about sex, Erin? Are you trying to say you're not ready to have sex?"

She nodded avoiding eye contact.

He smiled. "Erin, I know that. I didn't expect you to be ready yet. I don't expect anything okay? We'll move as slowly as you need to. I want to be with you because I love who you are. That has nothing to do with sex, alright? We'll get there when you're ready."

"You didn't think about it though, Jay. I'm telling you I don't know how long I'm going to need. It could easily be months."

"I don't need to think about it, Erin. We're just going to take things slow, and I can be patient. You're worth the wait. Now is that the only concern you had?"

She contorted her lips and acted as though she was thinking about it. "Yeah that's pretty much it, and in that case I love you too."

He stared at her smiling and she smiled back flashing her dimples. She waited for him to kiss her, but he just stroked her cheek with his thumb.

"Just to be clear I still expect you to kiss me." She clarified.

Jay let out a throaty laugh. "I know. I was just savoring the moment, Erin." He retorted while leaning in to brush his lips against hers.


	13. Chapter 13

**I'm Back! I know I took forever compared to my usual updates, and I'm sorry about that. I just had a lot going on, and honestly had no idea where to take this story next. I think I have it figured out a little bit now though. I Should have a few free hours ****tomorrow, so I would expect another update very soon.**

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><p>Erin and Jay both lugged a box up the stairs, and into the apartment. Jay sat the heavy load down panting.<p>

"Those were the last ones. Welcome home, Erin." They had been working on moving her for the last week. They did a little bit every night after work. Her furniture was already moved in including her couch and bed, and the television was set up. Now, on Friday night, they were just bringing her last few small things.

She smiled and looked around the apartment. "Thanks."

"Are you sure you don't just want to stay with me though?" Jay asked only partially joking.

Erin smiled and rolled her eyes. "No, Jay. We talked about this. My councilor and I both think it would be a good idea for me to have my own space right now. I need to live on my own again to prove to myself that I can do it. To prove that I'm not hiding behind you, and our relationship instead of healing."

Jay nodded and walked over to her wrapping his arms around her waist. She rested her head against his chest. "I know. I'm just gonna miss sleeping next to you every night." He kissed the top of her head. After going back to her old apartment the one time with Jay, she never went back until it was time to pack her things. She moved back in with Voight, but ended up staying most of her nights at Jay's for the past three months until her lease was up.

"I'm still holding you to your offer to help paint my place though."

She smiled. "Deal. Also you are my boyfriend, so I do expect you to come stay the night sometimes."

"And I intend to stay as often as you let me."

"Good." She placed a quick light kiss against his chest. "I wanna sit on my new counter top, and make out with you now. You up for it?" she winked.

"Oh now you're just teasing me."

She shook her head back and forth. "I'm being serious, but if you don't want to…"

Before she could even finish the phrase Jay scooped her up, and threw her over his shoulder carrying her to the kitchen as she laughed hysterically.

He sat her down on the edge of the counter and she hooked her ankles around his back, swiftly pulling him in as close as possible. She rested her hands on the base of his neck, and smiled down at him before planting her lips on his.

Jay had been extremely conservative about how far he took things. He always let her lead, and be in control afraid that he would accidentally push her to do something she wasn't ready for. In the three months they'd been together, they hadn't gone much further than kissing though. Honestly, Jay was becoming increasingly sexually frustrated. He'd never tell her that, although he was sure she already knew. If the little friend of his that they woke up with in between them every morning wasn't a give away, the fact that he had recently began taking numerous cold showers a week definitely let her know. He understood she needed time, and that's why he never pressured her. He also knew he was capable of waiting, but knowing that didn't make it any easier to sleep next to the girl he loved every night for three months and not be able to really touch her.

Erin felt bad about it too. She had tried bringing up the idea of taking a break to Jay. She told him they could take a few months off, and he could see other girls while she figured herself out, but he refused to have any part in that conversation. Secretly she was incredibly happy that he wouldn't even consider the idea. Even though it was her idea she didn't think she could handle seeing him with another woman.

In the kitchen, Jay felt Erin's lips release his. She began to trail down his jawbone and onto his neck. As she did so she reached for his hand that he had resting on her hip. She led it around to the front and then slid his hand beneath the cotton of her shirt. Jay froze at first not knowing what she wanted. She pushed his hand up a little further to reassure him. She brought her lips back to his as he relaxed and began to slide his own hand up the warm skin of her abdomen. His touch sent chills down Erin's spine. He slipped his hand beneath her bra and thumbed over her nipple giving her what she wanted.

Erin let out a moan that Jay caught in the back of his throat. The sound drove him crazy. He could feel the blood rushing through him. He attempted to pull his lips away knowing he was losing control of his body. "Erin we should cool off…" But before he could finish she re-met his lips with hers, obviously not wanting to hear it.

A moment later Erin's phone began to ring from its spot on the counter right next to them. She pulled away and looked towards it for a split second before turning back to him. "Just ignore it." She whispered in a breathy tone.

She planted one firm kiss on his lips before moving her lips to his ear. "Kiss my neck." She whispered to him, and against his better judgment he obliged. Within seconds of him kissing and suckling the nape of her neck he elicited a moan from Erin. It occurred right into his ear, and Jay felt every drop of blood rush below his belt.

Ruining the moment, Erin's phone went off again. She sighed desperately and Jay removed his lips from her skin.

"Don't go anywhere." She told him before reaching over to grab her cell. Little did she know, Jay wasn't actually capable of doing any walking at the moment.

She took the phone in her hands and looked down at the number. Jay noticed her face fall immediately, and she unhooked her ankles from behind his back. Unsure of what was happening Jay pulled his hand out from under her shirt.

Erin pressed ignore on the call, and looked back towards Jay. He could tell instantly that she was upset by whoever had just called her, and his excitement died down.

"Hey, what's wrong? Who was it?"

"No one" She spoke softly shaking her head back and forth.

Jay wasn't satisfied with that answer. "Erin, come on. Was it your mom again?" He knew she didn't like to talk about her mom, but he also knew that Bunny had been relentlessly calling her over the last week.

Erin sighed. "Yeah. She really knows how to ruin a moment huh?"

Jay smirked slightly. "Maybe you should just meet with her. I know you don't want to, but it doesn't seem like she's going to give up until you do."

"Jay, I don't want to." She snapped.

"I'll go with you." He tried.

"No way. Even if I do meet with her I'll go by myself. She doesn't deserve to know about you."

"I'll go as your partner, Erin. She doesn't have to know about us."

Erin rubbed her face with both hands while thinking it over.

"Tell her tomorrow night," Jay finally broke the silence bring Erin back to reality.

"Fine. I'll call her back." Jay took that as his cue to leave her alone for a moment. He kissed her cheek and headed over to the couch turning on the television while Erin called her mother from the kitchen.


	14. Chapter 14

**Yesterday I promised to update again soon. I hope this was fast enough for you. ;) Also thanks for the reviews guys. **

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><p>After about a ten-minute phone call Erin joined Jay in her living room. Jay was lying on her couch watching some strange movie playing on television. He was going to sit up to give Erin a place to sit too, but before he could she laid down in front of him pressing her back against the front of his body.<p>

He wrapped his arm around her waist and continued watching the screen.

"Eight o'clock tomorrow" Erin informed him about what time they were set to meet Bunny.

Jay gave her hip a light reassuring squeeze, and went back to watching the movie. Erin stared aimlessly at the screen watching the characters move around, but ignored the audio and the plot completely. She was too deep in thought about their meeting with her mother.

After a few minutes she sighed deeply. Jay paused the movie knowing she wanted to say something.

"Don't be so charming tomorrow okay?"

He smiled. "What do you mean?"

"I mean you're naturally friendly and charming. Just tone it down tomorrow night. She's already going to try to flirt with you, she flirts with anything with a pulse, so just don't egg her on."

Halstead laughed. "Okay got it. Don't flirt with my girlfriend's mom because she'll get jealous."

Erin reached her hand behind her back smacking at him. "I'm serious Jay. You haven't met her yet. You don't understand, and besides I wouldn't be jealous. I'd just be annoyed."

"It's okay to be jealous, Erin." He teased her.

"You're an ass." She retorted sitting up to walk away.

"Hey, no, don't go." He pulled her back against him. "I'm only kidding. I'm sorry. I'll turn the charm way down tomorrow."

She relaxed lying back down. "She just stresses me out, Jay. I haven't seen her in months now. I don't understand why she's calling again. She obviously wants something. It's been like what, nine months since we spoke last?"

Jay just held her listening to her vent. "One of the last times I saw her she started talking about the fourth of July. She was saying all these things about fireworks, and me playing with the neighbor kids, except I don't remember any of that. When I think about the forth of July I remember being nine years old and finding her passed out OD'd on the kitchen floor." She sighed before continuing. "I dragged her to the bathroom, and somehow managed to get her into the bath tub. I knew better than to call 911, because she had warned me that they would take me away again, so I filled the tub up with ice cubes hoping she'd wake up. Obviously she did, and for some reason, I guess I was just young and naive, I expected a thank you, or at least an apology. Instead she looked up at me, after I had just saved her life, and she said 'get my cigarettes." Erin laughed although it wasn't funny. It was actually incredibly painful to talk about. "Get my cigarettes." She repeated shaking her head back and forth. "Mother of the year huh?" She continued sarcastically.

Jay kissed the back of her head and nuzzled his face into her hair. It broke his heart that she never had the chance to really be a kid, but he also knew she didn't want him to say anything. She just needed a moment. She closed her eyes and melted into his hold. Moments like this made her even more thankful to have him. He seemed to understand when she needed silence, or when she needed comforting words. He understood when she just needed to be held, and when she just needed to be left alone for a few minutes. He just got her, sometimes better then she understood herself.

After a few minutes of letting her calm down Jay finally spoke. "I love you."

"I love you too." She smiled slightly. "I know I said I needed my own space, but maybe not tonight. Will you stay here with me?"

"Do you even have to ask?" He kissed her head again. "Of course I'll say the night."

They were in Erin's new bedroom searching through piles of boxes for her bed sheets. Erin began to get frustrated when they couldn't find them. She started rummaging through the boxes forcefully, and shoving things around.

"Babe, we'll find them. Don't worry about it." Jay attempted to calm her down.

"Well where the hell are they? Did we forget a box? We lost them, and now I'm going to have to go buy new sheets and a comforter."

Jay's eyes widened at her irrationality. This obviously wasn't about blankets. She was just using it as an excuse to express her anger and stress.

"Erin, I'm sure they are here. I'll find them just relax."

"Don't fucking tell me to relax, Jay!" She stormed into the bathroom and slammed the door shut behind her.

Jay pinched the bridge of his nose calming himself down before continuing his search through the boxes. He ended up finding them in the next box he opened. He made the bed and gave her a minute to cool off alone.

Ten minutes later he knocked lightly opening the bathroom door letting himself in. He looked around and finally saw her sitting in the empty bathtub. He smiled faintly and climbed in sitting across from her. He pulled his knees in, and hugged them against his body the same way she was.

"So, just sitting in the empty tub?"

"Yeah." She mumbled with her chin rested on her knees. "I'm sorry. That wasn't about bed sheets."

"I know. Do you wanna tell me what it was really about?"

She looked down, and then back up into his patient blue eyes. "My life is finally starting to make sense again. I'm back at work. I'm going to my counseling sessions and taking it seriously, and its actually helping. I just got this new apartment, and I have you. Everything is starting to be good, dependable, and stable. Then she calls and decides she wants back in all of a sudden. The worst part is that no matter how many times she hurts and disappoints me, I just want her to be love me, and be proud of me, Jay." She shrugged. "It's pathetic that I even care anymore, but for some stupid reason I do."

Jay reached out and took her hand. "It's not pathetic at all. That's your mom, Er. She's the one person that was always supposed to love you unconditionally, and she didn't do her job. That's not your fault. She's crazy if she can't see how amazing you are. You've given her every reason in the world to be proud of you."

"Maybe," she responded.

"Definitely," he corrected her. Then he stood up and reached out his hand to help pull her up. "Now come on. I made your bed. Today's a good day, your first night in your new home. We can't let her ruin that. Now lets go end tonight on a good note with you lying in my arms. Deal?"

She gave him a faint smile. "Deal." She took his extended hand, and he helped her up. "I've got to brush my teeth and change first. Did you happen to see my blue makeup bag when you were going through boxes?"

"Yeah I think I did. I'll go find it." They both went out to Erin's bedroom. While Jay searched through the boxes, Erin threw on a baggy T-shirt to sleep in.

"Got it!" Jay held the little bag up.

"Thank you." She took it from him and headed towards her bathroom. "Jay, come here." She called him as he was stripping down to his boxers to crawl into bed.

"Yeah?" He asked peeking into the bathroom.

"I uh." She smiled almost shyly. "I got you something."

Jay knitted his eyebrows together. "Really?"

"Yeah. It's nothing big or special, so don't get excited or anything."

He gave her a confused smile. "Okay, well do I get to see what it is?"

She nodded and reached into her makeup bag. She handed him a fairly long, and skinny package.

Jay looked down at it and beamed. It was just a simple toothbrush. She had taken a sharpie to the package writing his name with a little heart beside it.

"It's to leave here," She explained.

Jay had already realized that. Now he was just admiring how sweet it was. For the most part Erin Lindsay was all seriousness with an occasional sarcastic remark, but on occasion, she had these out of character moments that Jay could only describe as adorable. This was one of those moments.

Erin was confused by his silence. "I mean if you don't want it…"

Jay laughed and looked up at her. "No, I love it." He walked over closer to her. "I love you," he continued before leaning down to meet her lips.


	15. Chapter 15

Erin slid into the booth across from her mother, and Jay took a seat beside Erin.

"Well hello there. Erin, you didn't tell me you were bringing such a handsome date. I might have dressed for the occasion had I know."

Erin rolled her eyes. "Yeah, Yeah. This is my partner, Jay Halstead. Now what do you want mom?"

"Not even so much as a hello, baby? I raised you better than that."

Erin shot her a look of total disbelief. This was exactly why she didn't want Jay to meet her. She was such a fraud in front of people. "Really, because I don't recall you ever really raising me at all." Erin spat.

Bunny's eyes darted towards Jay, and then back to her daughter attempting to communicate to Erin that this wasn't an appropriate conversation to have in front of someone.

"He's my partner, mom. Anything you want to say to me he can hear."

Bunny cleared her throat. "Well, then I wanted to see about borrowing a few bucks."

Erin looked down at the table and shook her head in disbelief although she should have known. "Unbelievable" she muttered.

Jay squeezed her leg under the table for comfort. He was already disappointed by the way this meeting was going. He knew he shouldn't of had high expectations after hearing Erin's stories, but a part of him had hoped, for Erin's sake, that Bunny had just wanted to meet with her daughter because she missed her.

"Mom, why should I loan you money? So you can go out and get a fix? Yeah, I don't think so."

"Erin look at me, I'm clean. I have been for 13 months now."

"Yeah and you claimed you were 'clean' last time I let you back into my life too. But being 'clean' didn't stop you from stealing from me, and then disappearing for 4 years." She added emphasis on the word clean every time she said it.

"Erin, that's not exactly what happened."

"Oh it's not? So you're denying the fact that you took my rent check from my apartment, and cashed it for yourself?"

"Erin, I apologized for my short comings as a mother a long time ago. I can't control whether or not you accept my apology."

"It's kind of hard to accept the apology if you just keep doing the same things over and over again. You're never going to change are you, mom?"

"Erin, I may not have been a perfect parent, but I could have been a whole hell of a lot worse. You always had a roof over your head, and I never laid a hand on you."

Erin smiled unable to believe how ridiculous her mother was. Did she really think that the fact that she never beat her made up for the fact that she neglected her for her entire childhood?

Jay was beginning to get incredibly angry listening to the conversation progress. He didn't say anything because what could he really contribute. But the way Bunny spoke it was obvious that she had no regrets or remorse about everything she had put her only daughter through. She thought that because she apologized one time all should be forgiven. Jay felt terrible for even convincing Erin to come to this meeting. If it were up to him Bunny would have no place in Erin's life ever again after tonight.

"You never laid a hand on me? Maybe you never did, but you sure as hell didn't stop Jack from beating the shit out of me."

"Erin we promised we would never talk about that again," Bunny quickly interjected.

"I made that promise when I was ten years old, and scared to death that your husband would hit me again if I broke it! 19 years later I'm pretty sure I'm entitled to break that promise."

Jay's eyes were wide as he stared at Erin. His jaw was clenched. He had no idea how she was staying so calm because he wanted to stand up, flip the table over, and storm out of the restaurant. Erin had told him a few stories about Bunny, but never this one. He had no idea that she had ever sat back and watched as her husband beat her ten-year-old child. He was disgusted and pissed off beyond belief.

Erin looked over to Jay quickly and saw the mixture of sadness and rage in his eyes. She gave him a subtle look telling him that she was okay.

"When I went to school the next morning they called CPS and I had to lie and say that I got the black eye and bruises from being mugged on my walk home from school the night before. You forced me to lie about what happened, and then I slept under my bed with my door locked every night for months. I was terrified he'd hit me again."

"Erin, you know I never meant to hurt you."

Jay couldn't take it anymore. He was done being silent. "You've got to be kidding me! You didn't mean to hurt her? You watched as a grown ass man hit your ten year old to the point where she had bruises and a black eye, and you didn't do anything to stop it!" Wide eyed the other patrons of the restaurant turned to stare. "Then you stayed with him. You chose him over your own daughter, over her safety. So don't say you didn't mean to hurt her, because you sure as hell didn't do anything to stop her from getting hurt!"

Bunny stared at Halstead in shock unsure of how to respond. Erin was just as surprised by his out burst. Jay stood up from the table, and looked down at Lindsay. "I'm sorry, I need some air," and with that he hurried out of the restaurant.

Erin joined him outside on the sidewalk a few minutes later. The cold Chicago wind lashed at their faces. Jay rubbed his palms over his eyes trying to calm down and clear his head. Erin stood across from him and gave him a halfhearted, lopsided smile. "Hey."

"I'm sorry. I just couldn't listen to that anymore. The way she talked to you was just so…so disrespectful. She didn't validate any of your feelings, and she isn't at all remorseful, Erin. It made me sick."

"It's okay, Jay. I'm not mad at you for getting angry. I'm used to her. I've been dealing with that for 29 years, but I get that she's too much to handle for other people. Besides you're kind of sexy when you're angry." She tried to lighten the mood.

He sighed letting a grin pull at his lips before returning to being serious. "You shouldn't have to be used to that though, Erin." He gently placed his hands on either side of face, and rubbed the pads of his thumbs along her cheekbones. "You shouldn't have to be used to it." He whispered repeating himself. "She really let him hit you?"

Erin dodged his eye contact. "It was a long time ago, Jay."

"You were just a baby, Erin. You were only a little girl." He spoke still cradling her face in his hands. Erin could hear the sadness in his voice. This was obviously really bothering him.

She re-met his eyes. "Jay, It was a long time ago. It doesn't matter anymore. I'm okay."

He sighed deeply. He felt awful about the whole night. He was the one that had convinced her to meet with her mom. Then the meeting went horrible, and brought up horrific parts of Erin's childhood, and now she was out here comforting him. "Erin you shouldn't be the one comforting me right now."

"Like I said, I've been dealing with this for 29 years. I'm used to it. And besides that you have been there for me for the last three months now, I can return the favor." She reached up and grabbed his hands off of her face and held them. "I know I've talked about needing my own space, but that can wait 'til tomorrow night. Come on, I'll even let you be the little spoon." She smiled and nodded her head towards the direction of their car.

Jay shook his head and grinned following her to the car. Erin Lindsay was strong, and brave, and beautiful. She made him fall more in love with her every single day.


	16. Chapter 16

"Will you stop beating yourself up about tonight? Seriously, Jay I am not upset, and I'm especially not mad at you. I'm used to my mother behaving that way, and like I said you're pretty sexy when you're angry." She lightly kissed the bare skin between his shoulder blades.

Jay rolled over to face her in bed giving her a quick smirk before his face grew grave again. "I know you're not mad. I just can't help but feel bad. I convinced you to meet with her. I put you in that situation."

She smiled and rolled her eyes at how stubborn he was being. "Stop it." She kissed his lips. "Stop it." She kissed his cheek. "Stop it." She kissed the side of his neck, while sliding her body overtop of his, so she was now straddling him. She continued her trail of kisses down his bare chest. "I love you... Stop stressing... I love you...I love you." She made her way back up to his face. "Do you feel better now?"

"Ehh I don't know." He said although he couldn't help the giant grin now plastered on his face.

She ran her hands along his strong muscular biceps and kissed his lips. "How about now?" She asked after pulling away.

"Maybe a little."

She kissed him again a bit harder. "And now?"

"I'm getting there."

She kissed him one more time, but before she could even ask he answered, "I think I'm feeling a little better."

"Good." She smiled and buried her head into his chest while yawning. "Now let me sleep. Your worrying has been keeping me awake."

That night Jay woke up to Erin thrashing around violently in her sleep. She was kicking her legs, flailing her arms, and mumbling. At first he wasn't sure if he should wake her, but as it got worse he decided he needed to. He sat up and began to shake her shoulder. "Erin wake up."

"No! Stop!" She was screaming at the top of her lungs, and Jay feared the neighbors would hear.

"Erin! Erin, hey, wake up." He shook her harder trying to make her gain consciousness.

Her hazel eyes shot open abruptly. She jumped seeing Jay's face and scooted away from him in bed.

"It's just me, Jay. I'm staying the night with you in your new apartment remember?" He tried to bring her back to reality.

She looked around with wide glassy eyes, before releasing a ragged deep breath. "Yeah I remember." She rubbed her hands over her face and swung her legs over the side of the bed to stand up.

"Where are you going?" Jay asked concerned.

"I need water."

"You want me to come with you?"

"No. I… I got it. I'm fine."

He let her go to the kitchen knowing she needed a minute to calm down on her own. He finally went and found her about ten minutes later. She held a glass of water in her hands and was standing in front of the long picture window staring out at the skyline.

The wood floor creaked as Jay made his way down the hall and Erin looked over to him for a split second before going back to her view. Jay came up behind her and wrapped his arms around her waist resting his chin on her shoulder.

Erin exhaled leaning back into his embrace. They were silent for a few minutes before Erin finally spoke up.

"I don't want to do this to you, Jay."

"Do what?"

"I'm a mess."

"Well conveniently I am too. I understand nightmares, Erin. I still have them on occasion, and when I first got back from Afghanistan they were every single night. I was afraid to sleep because I could see it all so vividly every time I closed my eyes."

Tears lightly streamed down Erin's cheeks listening to him explain exactly how she felt.

"I was exhausting and painful, but you don't have to do this by yourself, Erin. You have the entire unit, and Voight, and you have me."

"Yeah I know." She whispered. "I don't want to be that girl that hides behind you and our relationship instead of healing though, Jay. I don't want to rely on you to get better."

"Then don't rely on me. Let me help you, but find other ways to feel good too. How about the doctor you talk to at the station? Isn't that still helping?"

"Yeah. I mean I though the nightmares actually were getting better for a while, and then tonight…"

"You have been doing a lot better, but today was a stressful, emotional day. The stress probably just triggered it."

"Yeah you're probably right."

"I usually am," he teased kissing her cheek. "Come on lets go back to bed."

When they crawled back into bed Erin laid on her stomach, and let Jay play with her hair. Jay almost always massaged her head and ran his fingers through her hair at night because he knew she loved the way it felt.

"Erin, I'm going to suggest something to you, and I want you to remember it's only a suggestion, just my opinion okay?"

"Okay" She responded with a hint of curiosity in her voice.

"Maybe you just shouldn't see Bunny anymore. Your nightmares were gone, and then tonight you suddenly have one again after weeks. That can't be a coincidence."

Erin rolled onto her back and sat up on her elbows. "It's not as easy as it sounds Jay. She's my mom."

"Biologically maybe, but it doesn't sound like she has ever really acted like your mother. She especially wasn't very motherly tonight. Obviously I can't tell you what to do, but if it were up to me I wouldn't want you to see her." Now he was ranting and rambling on, barely even hearing himself because he had so many thoughts on the issue. "Like I said it's just a suggestion. I mean I'm not gonna let our kids around her though. Not after seeing how disrespectful she is towards you. They shouldn't have to see that. She just made me so upset Erin. She doesn't understand how amazing you are."

"Jay!" Erin finally cut him off.

"Hmm. What?"

"You're rambling."

He exhaled and smiled slightly. "I know, sorry."

She stared at him seeing if he would realize what he'd said. After a few seconds she knew he didn't.

"Jay?"

"Yeah?"

"You… You uh said 'our kids."

He raked his mind remembering everything he'd just rattled off. "Yeah. I guess I did." He smiled.

She didn't know how to respond, because she honestly didn't know how she felt about what he'd said. Part of her was terrified, but another part was happy that he thought about them having a future together.

Jay noticed her uneasiness. "Erin I think I've made it pretty clear the last few months that this isn't a game to me. We aren't just some fling. I don't just throw around 'I love you's,' so yeah I imagine a future for us. A future that involves babies, and a house, and the whole nine yards, but I obviously don't expect any of that soon."


	17. Chapter 17

**Hey, guys thanks for continuing to read and review. This story is coming to a close now. I don't have very many more chapters planned, but I hope you like this one! Please leave me a review letting me know what you think.**

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><p>The next morning Erin was in the shower when Jay heard a knock on the door. Still only in his boxers he padded his way over and opened it to find Bunny on the other side.<p>

"Bunny." Jay said flatly.

"I thought my daughter said you were partners?" She asked confused by the fact Halstead was there so early in only his boxers.

Jay didn't acknowledge her question. "Erin's in the shower. What do you want?"

"Can you just tell her that I stopped by then?"

"No, actually I can't. I think you should just leave her alone. You've caused her enough pain."

Bunny stared at him unsure of how to respond. "I'll just email her." She mumbled turning around to walk away.

Not long after Erin came out into the living room fully dressed and wringing the water out of her hair with a towel. She headed towards the coffee pot where Jay was already pouring her a cup.

"Were you talking to someone? I thought I heard voices a few minutes ago."

Jay sighed. He knew he shouldn't have told Bunny to leave Erin alone. Erin hadn't asked him to do that and he knew she'd be angry when she found out.

"Your mom stopped by."

Erin had been taking a drink of her coffee when Halstead broke the news. She coughed harshly, choking on the hot liquid. "How does she know where I live?" Erin wondered aloud. "What did she want?"

"I don't know. I didn't ask."

"Well what did she say?" Erin asked sliding her mug onto the counter.

"She said to tell you she stopped by, and I told her to leave you alone."

"You what?" Erin barked anger eminent in her tone.

"I told her she's caused you enough pain because it's true, Erin!"

"I didn't ask you to do that! Last night you said it was just a suggestion, but now you are trying to enforce it. You have no right!"

"Erin, she does not deserve you! She chose not to be a mother for the majority of your life. She chose not to be there! So many people would…" He stopped himself and shook his head staring down at the ground. "You're right. Maybe I don't have any right to tell her to stay away, but I'm not going to sit around and watch her hurt you again. I can't do it." He said before rushing out of the apartment slamming the door behind him.

The entire day at work they ignored each other. Erin noticed that Jay didn't seem angry though. Instead he seemed sad. Sometime during their argument this morning she noticed his attitude go from angry to sad. She would much rather have him be angry. She could deal with angry Halstead because she'd seen it before, but sad Halstead was a different story. His walls went up, and much like her walls, they were nearly impenetrable.

She sat on her couch after work that night wondering if she should go see him, and try to smooth things over. She pulled up his name on her cell phone to call him when she heard a knock on her front door.

On the other side Jay stood. His head was down submissively, his hands shoved deeply in his pockets, and she wasn't sure but his eyes looked red, almost as though he'd been crying. Before she could greet him he spoke.

"I was eight years old." His voice was soft.

Erin opened her door wider signaling for him to some inside to finish his story. She could tell something was wrong. She'd never seen him look this fragile. He entered the apartment and stood across form her just inside the doorway.

"I was supposed to be asleep, but I had hid a flash light under my pillow a few days before, so I was under my covers reading a batman comic book." He said with a hint of a smile tugging at the corners of his lips, before his gloom expression returned. "They think it was a robbery gone wrong. I just remember hearing her scream, and then two gun shots, and then silence."

His voice threatened to break at any moment. Erin could feel her heart rise up into her throat. She took a step closer to him and rested a comforting hand on his forearm. Jay couldn't even look at her. He stared down at the ground trying not to cry.

"I went down stairs and the front door was wide open. It was mid November and already snowing, so the snow and freezing wind was blowing into the house. I walked to the dining room, and she must have tried to run because they got her in the back. My dad, he never had a chance though. Right in the side of the head." He finally couldn't hold back anymore. His voice shook and cracked as tears streamed down his cheeks.

Erin pulled him in and held him as tight as she could. He sobbed into her shoulder. With one hand she held the back of his neck and the other she rubbed his back, feeling tears fall from her own eyes.

"I found them dead, Erin. I found my parents dead." He continued to cry into her shoulder. Erin pressed a kiss to the side of his head knowing there were no words she could say in that moment.

Erin wasn't sure how much time had passed when he finally pulled his head back to look at her. He was through crying now. "They couldn't be there, Erin. They wanted to be there for me, but they didn't have that option. That's why I get so upset about your mom. She chose not to be apart of your life, and my parents didn't get to chose."

Erin nodded finally understanding why she and Jay worked so well together. He was just as scarred and broken as she was, and somehow their broken pieces fit together, and made their hearts feel whole again. She pulled him in close resting her head against his chest. "You're right. I'm not going to see her anymore. I love you."


	18. Chapter 18

**So, This is the end. It's short and pretty ambiguous, but with a story like this I don't think it's realistic to wrap it up in a pretty little bow. It's about very real, traumatic, life changing events, and I think I would be doing the story a disservice to end on some extremely happy note. I tried to keep it as realistic as possible. I hope you understand and aren't disappointed. Thank you for reading.**

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><p>Erin held him all night. They laid in her bed with his head rested on her chest, and it didn't take long for him to fall asleep. His hands desperately clung to fistfuls of her oversized t-shirt.<p>

Erin stayed awake for quite awhile rubbing her hand through Jay's short dark hair. She obviously wasn't happy he had been through such a horrific thing as a child, but she was happy that he had shared it with her last night.

It felt good to be the one needed, as opposed to the needy one for once. It felt good to hold him, and reassure him, and be there for him. He'd been doing the same for her for so long now, she felt almost empowered to have the roles be reversed.

If the man she was in love with, the man she found to be so incredibly amazing and beautiful was actually broken, then maybe she wasn't so damaged after all. Maybe she didn't deserve to be alone. She surely didn't think that Jay deserved to be alone, so maybe they could just be broken together. Maybe eventually, they could even heal together.

When Jay woke up the next morning he stretched, and moved his head up to the pillow beside Erin.

Erin woke up the second he moved, instantly missing his warmth. She turned on her side to face him. They stared at each other for a while. Both looking through sleepy cleft eyes. Jay was the first to speak. "Thank you, Erin."

Erin could see the gratitude in his eyes and hear it in his voice. She placed her hand on the side of his face and grazed her thumb over his cheek. "You don't need to thank me. All I did was listen."

"Exactly. Thank you for listening, for being here, for giving me someone I trust enough to talk about it with. I feel better today. Almost like a huge weight was lifted off of my back last night. I'd been carrying this around for so long. I think the last time I talked about it I was maybe sixteen. I mean I'll never forget what happened, but I feel like I don't have to live in the past anymore. It's out there. Someone I trust knows, and now I can focus on the present. I can focus on work, and loving you, and creating a future with you."

That same statement had made her nervous just two nights ago when he said it, but suddenly it was different. She wanted a future with him, and she wasn't afraid to admit that anymore. She understood what Jay meant that all of a sudden this weight was gone. Sure they both still had scars, and she still had a lot of healing to do from the past year, but she was confidant that she could do it now. They would do it together.

"I love you." She whispered leaning in closer to him.

"I love you too." He responded before gently brushing his lips to hers, and then wrapping her up in his arms.


End file.
